Parenting is a Puzzlement
Snow days!
I don't know what it is about a snow day, but good things happen when it snows. An irregular and beautiful sight appears. Suddenly, things slow down. We're not in a rush. Caution becomes the word of the day. Routines are put on hold. We relax, reflect, and breathe. Memories are made. What a wonderful thing!
As a homeschooling mom, I have a hard time actually taking a snow day, since- hey- we're home anyway, and there's work to be done. And you'd better believe we DO NOT want to be cracking the books in June or even the last week of May! Sorry bros, but we outta here! But this past week was a tiny bit of an exception. We didn't "skip school" completely, but we certainly did less. Instead of an entire day of work we compromised, we did about half of our normal schedule, and we purchased a jigsaw puzzle. And another. And another. I had NO IDEA I even liked jigsaw puzzles. How would I? When do I have time to sit around sifting through thousands of pieces looking for just the right one, with just the right cut, and the exact colors to fit into just the right place? Seems kind of insane when you think about it.
BUT-- because of the snow, and the halting of activities and events, I gave myself (and my children when they wanted to help) permission to spend hours, over the course of six days, to complete three jigsaw puzzles. 2750 pieces, ladies and gentlemen! Thank you. . . thank you. I'm just still sort of in shock at how much I enjoyed it. It was somehow therapeutic. Don't get me wrong, it was indeed frustrating at times. (How hard can zebra stripes be? The answer is VERY.) Nevertheless, I told my husband that I could feel the endorphins firing every time I put a piece in correctly. And that last piece. . . What can we say about the last piece??? Wow. All of the hard work had paid off. It was finished. It was a thing of beauty.
Why was it so rewarding to get to the end? Probably because it was a long process. Those puzzles took effort. They took time. They took care. When a piece seemed SO EASY to find, and then it was nowhere to be found. Surely it was lost. Under the table? Something MUST to be wrong here. Then, later, AHA! it was here all along. I just didn't recognize it. That did NOT look like the tip of a butterfly's wing until I successfully put it into place. Ahhhhhhh. Slowly, piece by piece, a picture began to take form-- a cloud here, a tree there, a dog, a man, a basket. Until, all those crazy shapes and colors assembled themselves in order to produce a work of art. A scene to consider. Something lovely to behold.
During this wonderful respite from the regular hectic routine, a dear friend of mine messaged asking if I had parenting advice for a specific situation with which she was dealing. First of all, I was honored that she asked. Seriously, I'm just a normal mom like everyone else trying to do the right thing. Let's just be frank, this parenting gig is trial and error. Second, I prayed that I had words that would help. Because we ALL need aid and encouragement on this parenting ride. It's a looooooong ride. Sometimes we don't know if we are even still on the track! It snows, and we can't see the path very clearly.
The Parenting Puzzle
Parenting is a lot like working a puzzle.
It takes effort and diligence.
It's confusing.
It's hard.
It's exciting.
It's tiring.
It's challenging.
It's rewarding.
It's frustrating.
It's all of those.
Easy Peasy
Perhaps you got the easy version. Your puzzle pieces seem natural and obvious so, therefore, go in pretty effortlessly, and you wonder, "What's the big deal? This is EASY." Well, let's be honest. All children are not created equal. Some are just naturally more pliable and open to learning, obeying, excelling, respecting, and all the things that parents desire in a disciple. Not to say that there aren't ups and downs, but for the most part it's a pretty smooth and easy transition to independence. Congratulations! Your only challenge may be understanding parents whose puzzles are more difficult for WHATEVER reason. Is it right or wrong to have a compliant and easy child?
Not right. Not wrong.
This is what God gave you.
The Conundrum
Maybe your puzzle experience isn't quite so pleasant. You're stuck with a piece and you're wondering, "Where in the world did this come from? This one got in the wrong box!" Desperately, you search and search to find a neat little niche that fits within your ideas of how this child should be, and how he should do things. You may even wonder, how in the world did this kid end up in our family? He's nothing like me. He's nothing like us. Don't feel guilty that there may not be a natural connection. Just realize that you get to experience a human with very different characteristics than you are accustomed to. He's interested in music (something that's a foreign language to you) instead of sports (what you live and breathe for.) He's laid back (waaaaaaay back) and you're the opposite (wound up pr-etty tightly.) He rolls along without a care in the world when his room looks like a bomb went off, and his completed homework is subpar. Is that wrong?
Frustrating? YES
Wrong? NO
This is what God gave you.
The Contrarian
Sometimes we look at a puzzle piece in our hand and say to ourselves, "This one MUST go here! It's the right size and shape, but it's not cooperating." Look, sometimes it seems like our children push us to the limits every chance they get because they can. And sometimes that's true, because discipline is not in place. But sometimes kids just need to have time to grow up and mature. They need us to push them keeping expectations high. It's what we are here for. We push and prod and worry and plead and pray. We KNOW the ability is there, but we're waiting for results to no apparent avail. Looking around, we wonder what we're doing wrong. WHY is this endless, exhausting effort not paying off? THIS. PIECE. MUST. FIT. It must listen and obey. This has to work out. The answer. The answer is patience.
Frustrating? YES
Wrong? hmmmmm, perhaps temporarily
This is what God gave you.
Where Do These Fit?
That easy puzzle piece- it is a lot of fun! It is relaxing. We make nice memories without too much push, pull, or effort. This one reminds me of my "easy" child. What made him that way? WHO KNOWS?? Literally, who knows. At this point in my life I am certain that I can't take much of the credit for my "easy child". After having four kids, I realize that I have NO CONTROL over genes. I will tell you, however, that at 36 years of age I wasn't particularly excited about raising another one. All I could see were dirty diapers, breast-feeding, baby food, potty training, and lots more years of raised voices. Some of my in-laws were offended that my husband and I didn't call them personally to tell them the "good news." Truthfully people, I was hoping the "news" was somehow a false alarm. So, what did I do? I prayed earnestly that God would bless me with a GOOD baby. An EASY baby. And do you know what? HE DID! Hallelujah! May I never forget to be thankful for my easy, fun and relaxing child.
What about that conundrum, the piece that looks like an alien? It just appeared out of nowhere with no obvious spot in which to fit. As spouses we look back and forth at each other wondering, "Whose recessive genes are these???" And honestly, it doesn't matter, nobody knows. I had one obviously hyper kid whom the teachers assured me needed medication. Sorry, no frame of reference on that one. I've always been quiet and shy and relatively pliable. So, I blame that one on my husband. I have another one who I'm pretty sure never cared enough to be stressed out about ANYTHING. WHAT ABOUT THAT SCIENCE PROJECT???? (Sorry, I got wound up.) Oh, it will all work out. . . . Really? I guess I should be happy for him that he won't ever have high blood pressure. What about the one who's supposed to love the stage and fulfill all of my own lifelong dreams? Um, that ship has come and gone. Interested for a moment and now that moment is history. But my DNA is not THEIR DNA. This is the way they were created. They must learn as children, and we must learn as parents, how to use whatever they've been given to be successful. To be God's disciples.
Now about that contrary, uncooperative piece. . . you know the one. "If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. . ." (More like a million.) Yes, THAT ONE. Is anything we are saying registering in that brain? We get the "The lights are on, but nobody's home" look a lot. Maybe they seem to hear and even agree, but there is NO CHANGE in action. After weeks, months, and years of the same old results, we may want to weep so hard that we are carried away in the flood! Hope begins to wane. Something's gotta give. I know. Talkings, groundings, breakdowns, threats-- I've done it all. And one thing I've learned is to NEVER GIVE UP. Keep trusting. Keep praying. God knows our struggle. Our children need us to never give up! If we do, who will be there to truly care and to see them through to their true potential? One day it will happen. We don't know when. But one day we will look up and realize that they were listening to EVERY WORD. They took it all in, and when THEY decided to-- everything fell into place. No more struggle. No more frustration. One of the most amazing things is when your child looks at you and says, "Thank you for being a good mother." AHHHHHHH. (Cue the tears.)
All of those pieces- the easy, the alien, and the uncooperative pieces-- they all fit! What? How did we miss this?? The perfect spot had been there all along. They ARE all part of this beautiful, amazing work of art that we have been creating. They were just in disguise! They weren't what we were expecting. They weren't fitting where we thought that they should. Maybe they are a butterfly's wing, and not a caterpillar after all! With every unidentified, unique segment carefully and deliberately placed, the completed picture slowly becomes more clear. Because we refuse to give up when the puzzle gets tiring and frustrating, we are finally able to appreciate the splendor of the completed artist's masterpiece. And it is much more extraordinary than we had ever imagined. It is a thing of beauty.
"But you don't know MY kids. "
True. I do not.
Unlikely Puzzle Pieces
But I do know Jesus's own disciples.
I know Peter- a hyperactive, spring-into-action, jump-before-you-think disciple, a betrayer
I know Thomas- a doubter, an I'm-going-to-learn-all-of-my-lessons-the-hard-way kinda guy
I know Paul- an passionate enemy of Christians
I know James and John- Sons of Thunder, asking to be seated at the best seats in glory
I know Matthew- an untrusted Jewish tax collector
etc., etc., etc.
These men were Jesus's best friends! Why???
Because Jesus knew that sometimes a man's biggest weakness is also his biggest strength.
He knew Peter- an energetic, never-give-up type that would preach the gospel to all men until the day he was crucified
He knew Thomas- a man who could preach that he saw WITH HIS OWN EYES the risen Savior
He knew Paul- a zealous preacher who would travel to the ends of the earth to bring others to Christ
He knew James and John- an early martyr of the faith; the writer of a carefully preserved gospel, the books of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd John, and Revelation
He knew Matthew, Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, James, Simon, Thaddeus, and Judas. Even Judas fits into the puzzle.
Jesus was able to SEE THE POTENTIAL in all of these friends. He NEVER GAVE UP on them. He never expected too much of them or for them to be something that they weren't. He knew that they would make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. But he also knew that those mistakes wouldn't hinder them from being able to see things more clearly after he left them. Their mistakes wouldn't stop them from being his faithful friends and followers who would take his message into all the world.
These improbable, flawed friends were the perfect puzzle pieces, the perfect tools, that God through Jesus would use to spread the news of the saving gospel of Jesus Christ, the most beautiful picture of all. What we may see as flaws, he is able to see as strengths-- strengths that are exactly what is needed to fulfill his purpose.
10 "And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the holy city Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God. . . 14 And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them twelve names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb." Revelation 21:10, 14
The Completed Puzzle
As we work through this puzzle of parenting, let's remember that the Artist/Creator has a magnificent plan. We can't always see it. We often misinterpret it. The journey may be long, laborious, and sometimes filled with pain. But when we trust in Him, he will help us. He knows us. He knows our children. He made us. We are his masterpiece. And He is waiting as we persevere to the end, to help us to see clearly when at just the right moment he will put in the last puzzle piece revealing mysteries and sharing his glorious majesty!
4 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." I Corinthians 13: 4-12
I don't know what it is about a snow day, but good things happen when it snows. An irregular and beautiful sight appears. Suddenly, things slow down. We're not in a rush. Caution becomes the word of the day. Routines are put on hold. We relax, reflect, and breathe. Memories are made. What a wonderful thing!
As a homeschooling mom, I have a hard time actually taking a snow day, since- hey- we're home anyway, and there's work to be done. And you'd better believe we DO NOT want to be cracking the books in June or even the last week of May! Sorry bros, but we outta here! But this past week was a tiny bit of an exception. We didn't "skip school" completely, but we certainly did less. Instead of an entire day of work we compromised, we did about half of our normal schedule, and we purchased a jigsaw puzzle. And another. And another. I had NO IDEA I even liked jigsaw puzzles. How would I? When do I have time to sit around sifting through thousands of pieces looking for just the right one, with just the right cut, and the exact colors to fit into just the right place? Seems kind of insane when you think about it.BUT-- because of the snow, and the halting of activities and events, I gave myself (and my children when they wanted to help) permission to spend hours, over the course of six days, to complete three jigsaw puzzles. 2750 pieces, ladies and gentlemen! Thank you. . . thank you. I'm just still sort of in shock at how much I enjoyed it. It was somehow therapeutic. Don't get me wrong, it was indeed frustrating at times. (How hard can zebra stripes be? The answer is VERY.) Nevertheless, I told my husband that I could feel the endorphins firing every time I put a piece in correctly. And that last piece. . . What can we say about the last piece??? Wow. All of the hard work had paid off. It was finished. It was a thing of beauty.
Why was it so rewarding to get to the end? Probably because it was a long process. Those puzzles took effort. They took time. They took care. When a piece seemed SO EASY to find, and then it was nowhere to be found. Surely it was lost. Under the table? Something MUST to be wrong here. Then, later, AHA! it was here all along. I just didn't recognize it. That did NOT look like the tip of a butterfly's wing until I successfully put it into place. Ahhhhhhh. Slowly, piece by piece, a picture began to take form-- a cloud here, a tree there, a dog, a man, a basket. Until, all those crazy shapes and colors assembled themselves in order to produce a work of art. A scene to consider. Something lovely to behold.
During this wonderful respite from the regular hectic routine, a dear friend of mine messaged asking if I had parenting advice for a specific situation with which she was dealing. First of all, I was honored that she asked. Seriously, I'm just a normal mom like everyone else trying to do the right thing. Let's just be frank, this parenting gig is trial and error. Second, I prayed that I had words that would help. Because we ALL need aid and encouragement on this parenting ride. It's a looooooong ride. Sometimes we don't know if we are even still on the track! It snows, and we can't see the path very clearly.
The Parenting Puzzle
Parenting is a lot like working a puzzle.
It takes effort and diligence.
It's confusing.
It's hard.
It's exciting.
It's tiring.
It's challenging.
It's rewarding.
It's frustrating.
It's all of those.
Easy Peasy
Perhaps you got the easy version. Your puzzle pieces seem natural and obvious so, therefore, go in pretty effortlessly, and you wonder, "What's the big deal? This is EASY." Well, let's be honest. All children are not created equal. Some are just naturally more pliable and open to learning, obeying, excelling, respecting, and all the things that parents desire in a disciple. Not to say that there aren't ups and downs, but for the most part it's a pretty smooth and easy transition to independence. Congratulations! Your only challenge may be understanding parents whose puzzles are more difficult for WHATEVER reason. Is it right or wrong to have a compliant and easy child?Not right. Not wrong.
This is what God gave you.
The Conundrum
Maybe your puzzle experience isn't quite so pleasant. You're stuck with a piece and you're wondering, "Where in the world did this come from? This one got in the wrong box!" Desperately, you search and search to find a neat little niche that fits within your ideas of how this child should be, and how he should do things. You may even wonder, how in the world did this kid end up in our family? He's nothing like me. He's nothing like us. Don't feel guilty that there may not be a natural connection. Just realize that you get to experience a human with very different characteristics than you are accustomed to. He's interested in music (something that's a foreign language to you) instead of sports (what you live and breathe for.) He's laid back (waaaaaaay back) and you're the opposite (wound up pr-etty tightly.) He rolls along without a care in the world when his room looks like a bomb went off, and his completed homework is subpar. Is that wrong?Frustrating? YES
Wrong? NO
This is what God gave you.
The Contrarian
Sometimes we look at a puzzle piece in our hand and say to ourselves, "This one MUST go here! It's the right size and shape, but it's not cooperating." Look, sometimes it seems like our children push us to the limits every chance they get because they can. And sometimes that's true, because discipline is not in place. But sometimes kids just need to have time to grow up and mature. They need us to push them keeping expectations high. It's what we are here for. We push and prod and worry and plead and pray. We KNOW the ability is there, but we're waiting for results to no apparent avail. Looking around, we wonder what we're doing wrong. WHY is this endless, exhausting effort not paying off? THIS. PIECE. MUST. FIT. It must listen and obey. This has to work out. The answer. The answer is patience.Frustrating? YES
Wrong? hmmmmm, perhaps temporarily
This is what God gave you.
Where Do These Fit?
That easy puzzle piece- it is a lot of fun! It is relaxing. We make nice memories without too much push, pull, or effort. This one reminds me of my "easy" child. What made him that way? WHO KNOWS?? Literally, who knows. At this point in my life I am certain that I can't take much of the credit for my "easy child". After having four kids, I realize that I have NO CONTROL over genes. I will tell you, however, that at 36 years of age I wasn't particularly excited about raising another one. All I could see were dirty diapers, breast-feeding, baby food, potty training, and lots more years of raised voices. Some of my in-laws were offended that my husband and I didn't call them personally to tell them the "good news." Truthfully people, I was hoping the "news" was somehow a false alarm. So, what did I do? I prayed earnestly that God would bless me with a GOOD baby. An EASY baby. And do you know what? HE DID! Hallelujah! May I never forget to be thankful for my easy, fun and relaxing child.
What about that conundrum, the piece that looks like an alien? It just appeared out of nowhere with no obvious spot in which to fit. As spouses we look back and forth at each other wondering, "Whose recessive genes are these???" And honestly, it doesn't matter, nobody knows. I had one obviously hyper kid whom the teachers assured me needed medication. Sorry, no frame of reference on that one. I've always been quiet and shy and relatively pliable. So, I blame that one on my husband. I have another one who I'm pretty sure never cared enough to be stressed out about ANYTHING. WHAT ABOUT THAT SCIENCE PROJECT???? (Sorry, I got wound up.) Oh, it will all work out. . . . Really? I guess I should be happy for him that he won't ever have high blood pressure. What about the one who's supposed to love the stage and fulfill all of my own lifelong dreams? Um, that ship has come and gone. Interested for a moment and now that moment is history. But my DNA is not THEIR DNA. This is the way they were created. They must learn as children, and we must learn as parents, how to use whatever they've been given to be successful. To be God's disciples.
Now about that contrary, uncooperative piece. . . you know the one. "If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. . ." (More like a million.) Yes, THAT ONE. Is anything we are saying registering in that brain? We get the "The lights are on, but nobody's home" look a lot. Maybe they seem to hear and even agree, but there is NO CHANGE in action. After weeks, months, and years of the same old results, we may want to weep so hard that we are carried away in the flood! Hope begins to wane. Something's gotta give. I know. Talkings, groundings, breakdowns, threats-- I've done it all. And one thing I've learned is to NEVER GIVE UP. Keep trusting. Keep praying. God knows our struggle. Our children need us to never give up! If we do, who will be there to truly care and to see them through to their true potential? One day it will happen. We don't know when. But one day we will look up and realize that they were listening to EVERY WORD. They took it all in, and when THEY decided to-- everything fell into place. No more struggle. No more frustration. One of the most amazing things is when your child looks at you and says, "Thank you for being a good mother." AHHHHHHH. (Cue the tears.)
All of those pieces- the easy, the alien, and the uncooperative pieces-- they all fit! What? How did we miss this?? The perfect spot had been there all along. They ARE all part of this beautiful, amazing work of art that we have been creating. They were just in disguise! They weren't what we were expecting. They weren't fitting where we thought that they should. Maybe they are a butterfly's wing, and not a caterpillar after all! With every unidentified, unique segment carefully and deliberately placed, the completed picture slowly becomes more clear. Because we refuse to give up when the puzzle gets tiring and frustrating, we are finally able to appreciate the splendor of the completed artist's masterpiece. And it is much more extraordinary than we had ever imagined. It is a thing of beauty.
"But you don't know MY kids. "
True. I do not.
Unlikely Puzzle Pieces
But I do know Jesus's own disciples.
I know Peter- a hyperactive, spring-into-action, jump-before-you-think disciple, a betrayer
I know Thomas- a doubter, an I'm-going-to-learn-all-of-my-lessons-the-hard-way kinda guy
I know Paul- an passionate enemy of Christians
I know James and John- Sons of Thunder, asking to be seated at the best seats in glory
I know Matthew- an untrusted Jewish tax collector
etc., etc., etc.
These men were Jesus's best friends! Why???
Because Jesus knew that sometimes a man's biggest weakness is also his biggest strength.
He knew Peter- an energetic, never-give-up type that would preach the gospel to all men until the day he was crucified
He knew Thomas- a man who could preach that he saw WITH HIS OWN EYES the risen Savior
He knew Paul- a zealous preacher who would travel to the ends of the earth to bring others to Christ
He knew James and John- an early martyr of the faith; the writer of a carefully preserved gospel, the books of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd John, and Revelation
He knew Matthew, Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, James, Simon, Thaddeus, and Judas. Even Judas fits into the puzzle.
Jesus was able to SEE THE POTENTIAL in all of these friends. He NEVER GAVE UP on them. He never expected too much of them or for them to be something that they weren't. He knew that they would make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. But he also knew that those mistakes wouldn't hinder them from being able to see things more clearly after he left them. Their mistakes wouldn't stop them from being his faithful friends and followers who would take his message into all the world.
These improbable, flawed friends were the perfect puzzle pieces, the perfect tools, that God through Jesus would use to spread the news of the saving gospel of Jesus Christ, the most beautiful picture of all. What we may see as flaws, he is able to see as strengths-- strengths that are exactly what is needed to fulfill his purpose.
10 "And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the holy city Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God. . . 14 And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them twelve names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb." Revelation 21:10, 14
The Completed Puzzle
As we work through this puzzle of parenting, let's remember that the Artist/Creator has a magnificent plan. We can't always see it. We often misinterpret it. The journey may be long, laborious, and sometimes filled with pain. But when we trust in Him, he will help us. He knows us. He knows our children. He made us. We are his masterpiece. And He is waiting as we persevere to the end, to help us to see clearly when at just the right moment he will put in the last puzzle piece revealing mysteries and sharing his glorious majesty!
4 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." I Corinthians 13: 4-12
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