Parents are Powerful Prophets

Back when I was studying for my undergraduate degree in Elementary Education, I learned all sorts of things about children, child psychology, child behavior, behavior modification, learning styles, etc. Then, when God called and asked me if I wanted a job in the public school, I said yes, and I had the opportunity to put all of that learning to use. I felt completely prepared up until about a week in. There is just no way to ready someone for the reality that is teaching a classroom full of third graders. My brain hurt. My emotions were shot. My body ached. And I was a spry 21-year-old in pretty good shape! Wow. Just trying to do the best job possible was exhausting. 

One of the most intriguing things that I learned in my undergraduate classes as well as in the workplace was the idea that whatever a teacher expects in a student, even at a very young age, is what that student was likely to become. I remember hearing a colleague say, "'Jack' is going to end up in jail." And to go along with it, she seemed hopeful that her prediction would come true! As if she were a prophet or something. Wait. Actually, she may have been. Her statement had the potential of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. What does that mean?? 

Self-fulfilling prophecy is defined this way:

Positive or negative expectations about circumstances, events, or people that may affect a persons behavior toward them in a manner that he or she (unknowingly) creates situations in which those expectations are fulfilled. 

In other words, causing something to happen by believing it will come true.

So, was "Jack" going to be a criminal because he was a hopeless cause, or was he going to be a criminal because the teacher gave up hope for him? If the teacher had already determined in her mind that "Jack" was going to be a criminal, how did she respond to him? How did she treat him, and what did she expect of him? Perhaps "Jack" wasn't previously going to be a criminal, but because no one was willing to help Jack by disciplining him, setting realistic expectations, and loving him, he was doomed. Jack was going to be a criminal because the teacher expected Jack to be a criminal; therefore, she provided opportunities for Jack in which he would inevitably misbehave or fail. What a sad state of affairs! (FYI- Children should never be "expected" to be criminals.)

I don't know about you, but this rocks my world. As a parent, teacher, mentor, or just plain human being, we have the POWER to determine someone's future. We are prophets! Our expectations of our children and our behavior toward them can actually define their future! Are you feeling powerful or are you in full-fledged fear? People, WE NEED TO BE DELIBERATE in the our expectations and treatment of our children! We are determining their future. 

Don't we already know this logically? If I said, "Kids live up to our expectations," we would all agree that that sounds reasonable. But this seems to be taking it to a whole new level. What we believe about people and our subsequent actions and attitudes toward them will and can affect them in such as way that causes our beliefs to come true! THIS IS POWERFUL STUFF.

How do we truly perceive our children? 

How do we view them daily? 

How do we envision their future?

Let's be honest.

As a recovering perfectionist, as well as a realist, I tend to see the flaws in EVERYTHING. Y'all, it's a miserable way to live. I'm improving and they say there is hope for me. Yay! I'm telling you that to say that a lot of times I worry about the things that my kids are not. In the past I've had this idea that my children could and should be perfect or the way I see perfection. I haven't voiced these opinions to my children, but do you think that they feel that the aren't living up to my expectations? Do they notice that I am am impossible to please? That they will never be able to satisfy me? That they were failures? Probably so. YIKES! By the way, there ain't nothin' wrong with some expectations! Expectations are usually what challenge us to behave, to grow, to mature, and to become successful. I'm an expectation supporter, BUT I'm afraid at times I have expected my children to be something they were not made or able to be. 

On the other hand, when I am conscious of this concept of self-fulfilling prophecy, I have used it to produce positive results! Early on I noticed that my third child was naturally drawn to science. He was interested in it and he understood it. This is a wonder to me since I have always been afraid of science. It's like a foreign language to me. As a homeschooling mom, I'm thrilled that he gets it. It sure makes my job easier! Back when he was about  twelve years old, I started calling him "Dr. Dave." Why? Because I figured that if he knew that I knew that he had the potential to become a doctor, then he just might do it! He is now sixteen, and the jury is still out on his career. But I wouldn't be completely surprised.

When my oldest son was about five years old, we could see that he was a numbers guy. Numbers just came easily to him. Occasionally as first-time parents, we would take our opportunities to "show him off." When we had friends over, my husband would make up a two or three part word problem and ask him for the answer. Every time. BOOM. He knew the answer. We enjoyed watching our friends in amazement. I continually told him that he had a gift for numbers. As he grew older he became a sports fanatic. I mean, sports FANATIC. He is the stat king. He knows stats that I don't even know exist. So is it a surprise that when he was questioning what course of study to pursue I suggested accounting? He is currently in graduate school seeking an MBA in accounting. Whoop!


The Bible says,  

6 "Train up a child in the way he should go,

Even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

You may have previously studied this scripture in reference to adult children of Christians. We usually go to this verse to measure our success as a Christian parent. And that's one way to look at it, but what else might this mean?

As a teacher I've looked for the context clues, because those mean EVERYTHING. I've looked back at the entire twenty-second chapter of Proverbs. And guess what, it's a no-go on the context. These two verses are all we get. The rest of the chapter is unrelated. Therefore, all we can do is examine what we've got here. So here goes.

How do we train up a child?

The scripture states "Train up a child in the way he should go." Who train? Who is the subject? It's the implied you. So "You" train. Who is you? (I'm sounding like Dr. Seuss again.) Whoever is reading this. So, it could be a parent, or a grandparent, or a mentor, or a minister, or an older sibling, or a coach, or an athlete, or a teacher, or a boy scout leader. It could be ANYONE. Ok. So we are supposed to train up a child, which means were are supposed to teach a child a particular skill or behavior through practice over an extended period of time.

Which way should he go?

Now for the fun part, "In the way he should go." What does that mean? Well, I guess if you asked all of the "yous" reading this you might get a different answer. The minister says he should learn to be a good Christian. The parent says he should obey his parents. The policeman says he should stay out of trouble. The teacher says he should get his homework done. The athlete says he should play his hardest and not let the team down. Etc., etc., etc. And yes, these are all true. (He definitely shouldn't go to jail!) But it is also true that as a child matures, he has a choice to make. What will he study? What will he become? On what will he spend most of his time, effort, and energy? What is he naturally drawn to and capable of? What are his interests? What are his talents? WHAT WAY WILL HE GO? Sometimes these interests and talents are crystal clear when children are young. Other times they are not so obvious. Children need help and guidance learning specifically which way they should go. We as parents need to honestly tune-in to our child's gifts and capabilities and guide them in specific ways. We cannot all be eyes. We cannot all be hands. We cannot all be hearts. But we CAN be what God made us to be and we can DO IT WELL for His glory.

". . .whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." I Corinthians 10:31b


When we train up a child in the way he should go, he won't depart from it even when He is old. Why? Because that is who God made him to be. God gave him talents, interests, gifts, and abilities that are uniquely his. This child can, through diligent and godly training, find what God has created specifically for him to do.

What happens when a child is not trained? When he is not shown which way to go? When we create a negative self-fulfilling prophecy about him? Is that when we can smirk and say "I told you so," when he ends up in jail? God forbid! We should never even utter, much less be proud of, a negative self-fulling prophecy. As parents, teachers, and mentors we should have attitudes that create positive self-fulling prophecies. We need to show our own children as well as those within our purview how they can be what God has planned for them to be. They need to know that He has planned good works in advance for them to do!

We all have people in our lives who have influenced us and shaped us into who we are today. At almost any awards ceremony we witness, the recipient points out mentors who have encouraged, challenged, and believed in them, perhaps even when they had lost belief in themselves. These mentors exhibited faith in and sustained expectations of their pupils that LED TO their success! Sometimes it just takes someone telling you verbally as well as nonverbally that you can do it in order to believe it into reality.

As parents we have a responsibility to see the uniqueness of our children and encourage them to develop and use these God-given gifts for His glory. Through this process we train our children in, not OUR prophecy of their future, but GOD'S will/way for their lives. Let us be deliberate in reinforcing consciously as well as subconsciously our faith that our children will find and do all the wonderful works that God has planned for them all the days of their life; so that, when they are old they will not depart from them!


"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10