You've Got a BABY! Now, where are the instructions?
You've got a baby!
Congratulations! There is nothing like holding your newborn for the very first time. It is just indescribably surreal. I've done it four times, and EVERY SINGLE time was a sublime experience-- an experience full of wonder, awe, joy, thanks, hope, love, and a million other emotions. This tiny human that God gave us was intricately made by the creator. A miraculous blessing.
13"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Congratulations! There is nothing like holding your newborn for the very first time. It is just indescribably surreal. I've done it four times, and EVERY SINGLE time was a sublime experience-- an experience full of wonder, awe, joy, thanks, hope, love, and a million other emotions. This tiny human that God gave us was intricately made by the creator. A miraculous blessing.
13"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Psalm 139:13-14
Fast forward a few days. "WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS KID? Where is the instruction book? When do I even get a chance to go to the bathroom?? How can a human this small go through so many diapers? Is it going to starve since it spits up EVERYTHING it drinks?? How do I train this kid?" Yep. That sounds familiar.
Some of these things you just have to figure out during your "on the job training." You may also read a book, such as What to Expect the First Year by Heidi Murkoff, to alleviate your fears about what is normal and what is abnormal. And this is good. But sometimes I think we are so worried about keeping the little munchkin alive and (let's face it) quiet that we fail to think much about deliberate discipline. "WHAT?" you say. "A newborn is pure innocence and love! No deliberate discipline is required." Well, I actually beg to differ with you. ("Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me." Psalm 51:5)
Yes, babies are precious, but they are completely and totally selfish. A baby has no concern for anything except his own needs and that is part of the charm. There is extreme satisfaction in being able to meet your dependent child's needs. But please do not forget that inherently children are selfish. They actually have to be taught that they are not the end all nor the authority and eventually must be shown how to "love their neighbor as themselves."
Having a baby means having ALL the emotions and being deliriously tired for months. Between feedings, burping, changing, rocking, etc. there is little time for anything else. So what can we do to help make sure things go as smoothly as possible? In other words, what should we do with these little dictators?
1. Establish a routine.
All of us love routine. Think about it. We usually get up at about the same time every day. We eat our meals at the same time. We read the same news feeds. We "automatically" drive to work. We go to bed at nearly the same time every night. We even sit on the same pews at church! Why do we do this? Because this is how God made us. We feel comfortable doing the things with which we are familiar. God established the times and the seasons. He also made the sun to rise and set every day. He gave us an internal clock. It's just the way we tick.
Babies are no different. They need an established routine to make them feel safe and secure. It's their way of feeling as if things are in control around them. So when the doctor says to feed your newborn every two hours, (Whew! That is basically nonstop by the time he finishes the initial feeding. You know, thumping his feet to make him wake up because that milk is so warm and snuggly,) then don't make it 1 1/2 or 3 hours. Stick to a routine as best you can, and your baby's internal clock will catch on! If you eat lunch at the same time every day then you know what I mean. Doesn't your stomach start growling right at lunchtime because it's anticipating the daily ritual of eating then? It's the same for babies.
Establish routine naps. When your bundle is a month or two old, you should be able to predict when he is sleepy. Knowing this pattern, establish specific times when he will go down for a nap. It's just like eating. Once you do this a few times his internal clock will naturally feel sleepy at those times, making nap times and bedtime pretty painless. "What? Painless? What world are you living in?" For the most part, if you as the parent STICK TO THE ROUTINE with your baby, then your baby will fall right in line. Of course there may be times when your baby is sick or you are traveling and things get a little off, but these should be exceptions and not the rule. As soon as the sickness is over or the destination is reached, it's back to the schedule.
But . . . he cries when I put him down for his nap. But. . . I have things to do during the day, and this kid's routine is really screwing it up. But. . .what about my nightlife? (LOL) Sorry, you kissed your nightlife goodbye when you were blessed with your bundle! And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your routine has to change too. When your child is an infant, yes, he can sleep almost anywhere and that's good, but when he is a few months old things start to change.
Your child will rest better if a pattern is established. Taking him to a quiet room, rocking, and singing all remove noisy stimuli and promote calm relaxation. These rituals all signal your baby that it's time to sleep. (To read how to get your baby to sleep EVERY NIGHT read "Real Love and Sleep-Filled Nights" https://annlovejudd.blogspot.com/2017/10/real-love.html.) It's VERY hard to do these things in the grocery store or Walmart. It never ceases to amaze me who you see in Walmart at 11 p.m. Seriously? My kids have been in bed for hours, but there are plenty of kids out shopping in the middle of the night. Which brings me to my next point.
2. Don't put your baby in situations in which they will inevitably fail.
If you are wagging your baby in and out of the carseat from store to store from buggy to buggy all day long or in the middle of the night and expect your baby to be a perfect little angel during it all, you've got another thing coming. You get what you deserve. Yes, there may be an instance when situations go awry and responsibilities warrant an unexpected outing. But this should be the exception not the rule. Give your baby every chance to be successful. Don't get irritated when he gets cranky or squeals because he needs to be home resting or even just moving around!
For example, if you take your cutie to an upscale restaurant where you have to sit for and hour or more, then your baby is bound to get antsy. So if you want to have a nice meal, consider getting a sitter or choosing a more family-friendly restaurant. A few weeks ago my husband and I went to Old Chicago Pizza at around 8:30 p.m. We love that place. In the booth behind us was an adorable little toddler with his mother and grandmother(?) Clearly they had been there a while and looked as if they were finished with the meal. While Mom was visiting, little Jonny found the cord to the window blinds. Mom must've said "No" twenty-five times to Jonny pulling the cord. I felt bad for everyone in the situation. I felt bad for Mom because she couldn't enjoy herself. I felt bad for Jonny because he needed to go home. I felt bad for my husband because I was sure he was going to get bopped on the head. But I felt great for me, because I didn't have a toddler at Old Chicago! If you find yourself in this situation, you have two choices. Either realize it's past Jonny's bedtime and make an exit, or stick to your guns and enforce your "No" while you continue your conversation.
When we had baby number four you could say it put a cramp in my style. After all, my older three were 11, 8, and 5-years-old. They had become pretty independent and I was looking forward to having all three in school and was prepping to chase all those dreams that I had put on hold for eleven years! Wellllll, let's just say I was back to square one with a tiny dependent attached to me.
The three oldest all played recreational soccer which means there were three soccer games on Saturdays during the season. My husband and I go to all the kids games whenever possible. (Well, he's usually the coach, so he's there regardless.) It's our way of showing our kids that they are important to us. But at the time I just couldn't see wagging an infant to the soccer field in any and all kinds of weather ALL day long for the games. I could just imagine how much of the games I would actually get to watch and the condition of my baby during and after such a lengthy experience!
In the interest of my baby as well as myself, I made a deal with my husband that he could head out in the morning with whoever had a game. At lunchtime I would show up with a sack lunch to do a switch-a-roo. I would pick up the first player(s) and drop off the one(s) who had a game in the afternoon. This was a beautiful system which enabled my baby, as well as myself, to stick to a routine without getting exasperated trying to do too much.
3. Don't underestimate your baby.
I remember when I had two small children. We were living in Arkansas at the time and some ladies from church were discussing their attempts at controlling their older babies/toddlers during worship service. I remember flat out telling them that at nine months old my child was cognizant enough to know how to sit in church without flailing around, crawling all over me, and screaming. They looked at me as if I had gone mad. I felt kind of bad about it, but it's simply a matter of training.
If you are late in recognizing your child's abilities to be trained, then you are going to have trouble when you do attempt to train your child to sit quietly. The expectation should always be that we are still and quiet in church, so attempt to make that happen from the get go. If you look up one day and your two-year-old has been crawling under the pews and squealing and squirming when you try to pick him up every Sunday, then. . . ummmm, I think you've waited longer than necessary to train him and have underestimated his abilities.
A cute little couple with three very small children were attending our congregation. They were so sweet and we loved having them there, but obviously they had their hands full. When the third baby was born, it was all they could do to sit through an hour long service. I felt terrible for them, having been in a similar situation. We wanted to help. So one day my husband, the preacher, offered to hold the one-year-old during worship. I know, I know. You're wondering "How can a preacher hold the baby during the service?" Well, he would start out with her and hold her all through the songs, prayer, and the communion. Then he would hand her off to me.
That baby never made a peep. He held her in the lockdown hold on his knee. When she would start to squirm he would "snuggle" a little more so that there was nowhere for her to go. She only tried to make a noise once or twice with me. I gave her a little tap on the lip and that was it. After two to three Sundays of this method, she was perfect! She realized that she was going to sit still whether she liked it or not; therefore, she gave in. Many times she would take a nice little nap. Perfect. I think her parents were glad for a break, and we were glad to oblige.
I remember as a small child (4 years old?) being taken out of church a few times by my father. He would take me out, spank me, wait for me to stop crying (for perhaps 2 minutes,) and bring me back in so I could show him that I had learned to behave. It was a very unpleasant experience because 1) I had disappointed him, 2) I had been embarrassed since everyone knew I had misbehaved, 3) It hurt! That was enough for me to attempt to never experience that again.
Some kids take longer than others to realize parental intentions. But as parents it's our job to Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast our kids when it comes to holding kids accountable for bad behavior that is within their control.
Babies are a wonderful gift from God!
3 "Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. 4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Psalm 127:3-5a
Fast forward a few days. "WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS KID? Where is the instruction book? When do I even get a chance to go to the bathroom?? How can a human this small go through so many diapers? Is it going to starve since it spits up EVERYTHING it drinks?? How do I train this kid?" Yep. That sounds familiar.
Some of these things you just have to figure out during your "on the job training." You may also read a book, such as What to Expect the First Year by Heidi Murkoff, to alleviate your fears about what is normal and what is abnormal. And this is good. But sometimes I think we are so worried about keeping the little munchkin alive and (let's face it) quiet that we fail to think much about deliberate discipline. "WHAT?" you say. "A newborn is pure innocence and love! No deliberate discipline is required." Well, I actually beg to differ with you. ("Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me." Psalm 51:5)
Yes, babies are precious, but they are completely and totally selfish. A baby has no concern for anything except his own needs and that is part of the charm. There is extreme satisfaction in being able to meet your dependent child's needs. But please do not forget that inherently children are selfish. They actually have to be taught that they are not the end all nor the authority and eventually must be shown how to "love their neighbor as themselves."
Having a baby means having ALL the emotions and being deliriously tired for months. Between feedings, burping, changing, rocking, etc. there is little time for anything else. So what can we do to help make sure things go as smoothly as possible? In other words, what should we do with these little dictators?
1. Establish a routine.
All of us love routine. Think about it. We usually get up at about the same time every day. We eat our meals at the same time. We read the same news feeds. We "automatically" drive to work. We go to bed at nearly the same time every night. We even sit on the same pews at church! Why do we do this? Because this is how God made us. We feel comfortable doing the things with which we are familiar. God established the times and the seasons. He also made the sun to rise and set every day. He gave us an internal clock. It's just the way we tick.
Babies are no different. They need an established routine to make them feel safe and secure. It's their way of feeling as if things are in control around them. So when the doctor says to feed your newborn every two hours, (Whew! That is basically nonstop by the time he finishes the initial feeding. You know, thumping his feet to make him wake up because that milk is so warm and snuggly,) then don't make it 1 1/2 or 3 hours. Stick to a routine as best you can, and your baby's internal clock will catch on! If you eat lunch at the same time every day then you know what I mean. Doesn't your stomach start growling right at lunchtime because it's anticipating the daily ritual of eating then? It's the same for babies.
Establish routine naps. When your bundle is a month or two old, you should be able to predict when he is sleepy. Knowing this pattern, establish specific times when he will go down for a nap. It's just like eating. Once you do this a few times his internal clock will naturally feel sleepy at those times, making nap times and bedtime pretty painless. "What? Painless? What world are you living in?" For the most part, if you as the parent STICK TO THE ROUTINE with your baby, then your baby will fall right in line. Of course there may be times when your baby is sick or you are traveling and things get a little off, but these should be exceptions and not the rule. As soon as the sickness is over or the destination is reached, it's back to the schedule.
But . . . he cries when I put him down for his nap. But. . . I have things to do during the day, and this kid's routine is really screwing it up. But. . .what about my nightlife? (LOL) Sorry, you kissed your nightlife goodbye when you were blessed with your bundle! And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your routine has to change too. When your child is an infant, yes, he can sleep almost anywhere and that's good, but when he is a few months old things start to change.
Your child will rest better if a pattern is established. Taking him to a quiet room, rocking, and singing all remove noisy stimuli and promote calm relaxation. These rituals all signal your baby that it's time to sleep. (To read how to get your baby to sleep EVERY NIGHT read "Real Love and Sleep-Filled Nights" https://annlovejudd.blogspot.com/2017/10/real-love.html.) It's VERY hard to do these things in the grocery store or Walmart. It never ceases to amaze me who you see in Walmart at 11 p.m. Seriously? My kids have been in bed for hours, but there are plenty of kids out shopping in the middle of the night. Which brings me to my next point.
2. Don't put your baby in situations in which they will inevitably fail.
If you are wagging your baby in and out of the carseat from store to store from buggy to buggy all day long or in the middle of the night and expect your baby to be a perfect little angel during it all, you've got another thing coming. You get what you deserve. Yes, there may be an instance when situations go awry and responsibilities warrant an unexpected outing. But this should be the exception not the rule. Give your baby every chance to be successful. Don't get irritated when he gets cranky or squeals because he needs to be home resting or even just moving around!
When we had baby number four you could say it put a cramp in my style. After all, my older three were 11, 8, and 5-years-old. They had become pretty independent and I was looking forward to having all three in school and was prepping to chase all those dreams that I had put on hold for eleven years! Wellllll, let's just say I was back to square one with a tiny dependent attached to me.
The three oldest all played recreational soccer which means there were three soccer games on Saturdays during the season. My husband and I go to all the kids games whenever possible. (Well, he's usually the coach, so he's there regardless.) It's our way of showing our kids that they are important to us. But at the time I just couldn't see wagging an infant to the soccer field in any and all kinds of weather ALL day long for the games. I could just imagine how much of the games I would actually get to watch and the condition of my baby during and after such a lengthy experience!
In the interest of my baby as well as myself, I made a deal with my husband that he could head out in the morning with whoever had a game. At lunchtime I would show up with a sack lunch to do a switch-a-roo. I would pick up the first player(s) and drop off the one(s) who had a game in the afternoon. This was a beautiful system which enabled my baby, as well as myself, to stick to a routine without getting exasperated trying to do too much.
3. Don't underestimate your baby.
I remember when I had two small children. We were living in Arkansas at the time and some ladies from church were discussing their attempts at controlling their older babies/toddlers during worship service. I remember flat out telling them that at nine months old my child was cognizant enough to know how to sit in church without flailing around, crawling all over me, and screaming. They looked at me as if I had gone mad. I felt kind of bad about it, but it's simply a matter of training.
If you are late in recognizing your child's abilities to be trained, then you are going to have trouble when you do attempt to train your child to sit quietly. The expectation should always be that we are still and quiet in church, so attempt to make that happen from the get go. If you look up one day and your two-year-old has been crawling under the pews and squealing and squirming when you try to pick him up every Sunday, then. . . ummmm, I think you've waited longer than necessary to train him and have underestimated his abilities.
A cute little couple with three very small children were attending our congregation. They were so sweet and we loved having them there, but obviously they had their hands full. When the third baby was born, it was all they could do to sit through an hour long service. I felt terrible for them, having been in a similar situation. We wanted to help. So one day my husband, the preacher, offered to hold the one-year-old during worship. I know, I know. You're wondering "How can a preacher hold the baby during the service?" Well, he would start out with her and hold her all through the songs, prayer, and the communion. Then he would hand her off to me.
That baby never made a peep. He held her in the lockdown hold on his knee. When she would start to squirm he would "snuggle" a little more so that there was nowhere for her to go. She only tried to make a noise once or twice with me. I gave her a little tap on the lip and that was it. After two to three Sundays of this method, she was perfect! She realized that she was going to sit still whether she liked it or not; therefore, she gave in. Many times she would take a nice little nap. Perfect. I think her parents were glad for a break, and we were glad to oblige.
I remember as a small child (4 years old?) being taken out of church a few times by my father. He would take me out, spank me, wait for me to stop crying (for perhaps 2 minutes,) and bring me back in so I could show him that I had learned to behave. It was a very unpleasant experience because 1) I had disappointed him, 2) I had been embarrassed since everyone knew I had misbehaved, 3) It hurt! That was enough for me to attempt to never experience that again.
Some kids take longer than others to realize parental intentions. But as parents it's our job to Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast our kids when it comes to holding kids accountable for bad behavior that is within their control.
Babies are a wonderful gift from God!
3 "Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. 4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Psalm 127:3-5a
By establishing and sticking to a routine, keeping our babies out of impossible situations, and expecting good behavior, we can help our little ones (and ourselves) be more successful in almost any situation. That way we can spend more time enjoying kissing those sweet little baby heads!
Drink in every minute because you're going to miss this.
Drink in every minute because you're going to miss this.
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