Technology and Our Children- a Blessing or a Curse?

My husband and I laugh about the differences between us when it comes to technology. He can do anything with computers. He gets giddy when Apple announces its new products. He regularly orders the newest iPhone (He's got an iPhone X on order right now!)

Me, on the other hand. . . well, I can barely work the DVR. It's more than inability. I actually have a force field around me which can shut down any phone, computer, TV, etc. One time said force field shut down the entire computer system at Brooks Brothers. NO LIE. So when an eight-year-old asks if he can play the Xbox and I say yes, it's all good until he wants ME to turn it on - Deer in the headlights.

It would be comical if it weren't so frustrating. Sometimes I just want to pitch it all out of the window! And that would be terrific though not so practical. There are some things that would be hard to get along without. The TV? No. The phone? Yes. The computer? To some degree. As conservative as I am, I realize that our society is racing towards the future at lightning speed when it comes to technology. I mean, before long I won't be able to buy groceries without some form of technology, whether online shopping, computerized in-store shopping, or simply self-checkout. Yes, it's all convenient. I've been ordering groceries on Kroger's Clicklist for a year now, and it is the "GOAT" (Greatest Of All Times) as my millennials would say. If you have little kids, it's THE ONLY WAYYYY. So, yes, I realize there isn't much I can do, or want to do about that, but I DO want only the positives and none of the negatives that go with it.


Negative Effects of Technology

The negatives I fear are more than the average person thinks about. How do I know this? I look around, and everywhere I go small children have iPads, handheld games, phones, computers, game systems, etc. These are not their parent's devices, they are theirs. This is something I don't understand. I realize that a LOT of people are doing this, but since when was what everyone else doing a good thing to be doing? "But the research shows. . ., but the educators say. . ., but the commercial promises. . ., but, but, but." I am tired of buts. Deliberate discipling means attempting to foresee outcomes when it comes to innovations. Companies, retailers, and usually society are automatically going to push the hottest new developments. Parents need to slow down and consider the long-term effects before "going with the flow."

This technology saturation is relatively new. There were no cell phones, personal computers, iPads, etc. when I was a child. We don't have the benefit of knowing all of the effects of these devices. The question is: What is the end result of this inundation of technology on our children? The truth is that we DON'T KNOW; therefore, we, as parents, need to be thoughtful and deliberate in establishing our position concerning what is best for our child.

When my oldest was a small child, a relative wanted to buy him a Gameboy for Christmas. This device was the hottest thing available at the time. I was completely against it, and my husband and I said no. Same thing the next year. Finally, the third year, we'd been worn down, and we said yes. UGH. Terrible idea. Terrible. My perfectly well-behaved child turned into a monster. I'M NOT KIDDING. We set limits just like we had on TV time. He was only allowed to play a certain number of minutes each day IF he was well-behaved. Well, that was all well and good, until he decided that that amount wasn't enough. Taking matters into his own hands, he decided that he needed more opportunities to play. After he went to bed each night, he would just play under the covers until he felt like turning it off or falling asleep! I have no idea how long this went on undetected. I DO know that he had become consumed with playing this device.

Here is what I experienced with these games. My children would become obsessed with them. All they could think about was getting to play the electronic time waster. Suddenly I would look up and they were being disrespectful, rude, sneaky, and causing conflict as a general rule. This I could not do! I took away the Gameboys and game systems as punishment for their terrible attitudes. And do you know what? Magically in just a day or two, they were back to their fun-loving selves. It was absolutely amazing to see the transformation in such a short period. These devices were causing discontent, disrespect, and poor behavior because they were all my kids could think about. They were all they wanted to do.

From then on I warned everyone who would listen NOT to buy these for their children. But as I've figured out, everyone thinks they are different, that their kids are special, and that they're not the norm. Why, oh why, do we try to reinvent the wheel? I do it too! We make things so much harder on ourselves when we refuse to listen to reason. My husband and I KNEW BETTER, and we did it anyway. (Palm to the forehead.) Handheld games are now banned in my house.

Fast forward to today. There are way more things than Gameboys out there that kids are using now. It's a constant barrage of technology- laptops, cell phones, tablets, handheld games, game systems, TV, texting, social media, Snapchat, Instagram, etc. I understand that certain technology in and of itself isn't bad, but we've taken it's usage to a whole new level. When we set technology in front of our kids for the purposes of entertainment for hours upon hours every day, we and they are losing out on so many things! Some of those things include:

• Personal interaction
• Active thinking
• Communication
• Relationship building
• Creativity
• Reflection
• Calmness
• Self-discipline
• Self-soothing
• Memory-making
• Contentment

These are only a few. How do children have time to create, to reason, and to mold their minds into who they will become and what they will think or believe if they are constantly inputting? There is no time for analyzing, evaluating, and synthesizing. These higher order thinking skills require time and opportunity. We are dumbing down our children when we allow the overuse of technology for entertainment and even for communication. It is sucking valuable time from them, from us, from relationships that can nourish, model, and train.

Positive Alternatives

When our children were young (living in our house), we discouraged electronics in favor of more natural and creative forms of play. We bought a gazillion Legos over the years. We played games. We baked together. We climbed trees. We played dress-up and tea parties. We read books together and built forts. We had family movie nights. We visited elderly neighbors together. We provided bicycles, skates, a basketball goal, soccer goals, a trampoline, a swimming pool, sidewalk chalk, bubbles, etc. My husband even built the kids a treehouse. We were pretty adamant about them playing outside and finding things to enjoy on their own while learning about God's creation. It wasn't always what they wanted to do, but it was what we intended for them to do. Letting them sit in front of a screen more often (and it was often enough!) would have probably been easier at the time, but the end result would not have been acceptable to us.


Today's Reality

A friend of mine told me about her nine-year-old daughter's birthday party recently. She invited several little girls over to spend the night and to help her celebrate. EVERY child came with an iPad and/or a cell phone. These are eight and nine-year-olds mind you. Ok. No problem. It's a party. They were too busy having a good time to check their phones and play their iPads, right? WRONG. Mom's were texting asking what the kids were doing and if they having a good time. Kids were wrapped up in playing games on the iPads, etc. So much so that the birthday girl was in tears because NO ONE wanted to play and have a good time with her. They were too consumed in their media! Whaaaa? What has the world come to? I was appalled.

We as parents need to take some time to analyze and evaluate the effects technology is having on our children. What is the goal? What is the end result? What do we expect to happen when we allow these things to dominate our children's time and attention? There ARE consequences. What are they? We do not even know yet. But from what we can ascertain, are the consequences acceptable to us? If not, we MUST change our children's (and possibly our own) habits.

You know I haven't even touched on CONTENT yet. Surely, you have seen the posts, heard the reports, read the articles. There is so much evil right at our children's fingertips. Things that you and I may never dream of. But someone has, someone is. It is happening. From bullying, to catfishing, to shaming, to perversion, to kidnapping, to addiction, to the ending of lives. It is too tragic and heart-breaking to list all of the things coming across the screen.

So we cry, WHAT CAN WE DO?????

Steps to Take

1. Make the hard decisions. MAKE THEM! Make the hard decisions that we aren't going to be like everyone else. We aren't going to have a cell phone at an early age. If we do have phones, they will be used as a telephone. We aren't going to have our own iPad, and we aren't going to take them to parties. We will not have, or be severely limited when it comes to, gaming time. We will not "game" with strangers. We will not take the laptop to our rooms and shut the door and do whatever we wish. We will not take our phones to our rooms and shut the door an do whatever we wish. And you say, "THAT'S UNREASONABLE!" But what is the worth of your child?

2. Take steps to limit input. There are images which cannot be unseen, words that cannot be unsent, things which will leave lasting impressions on the brain. We can and should be taking as many precautionary steps as possible to prevent unwholesome practices and actions. When our children DO use technology, we can set limits and filters. We can insist on being in the same room, facing the screen. We can limit apps. Yes, we can do that. Are we self-disciplined enough for this? How much are our children worth?

3. Pray. Pray to our heavenly Father who loves us. Pray for angels to guard our children. He will do it. He knows how much our children are worth.

9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, 10 no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. 11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; 12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. 14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. 15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91:9-16

Technology is only gaining momentum in our fast-paced world. Here I am using it to get my message to you. It can be a blessing, but it can also be a curse. We as parents should be diligent in overseeing our children's use of technology. In what ways is it being used? How often? For what purposes? What are the foreseeable outcomes of the current use? What might be the unforeseeable outcomes? Are our answers supportive of Paul's final exhortations to the Philippians?

8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9

I'm praying for our children.

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