Too busy to read this? Then this post is for you

Do you ever feel like you want life to slow down so that you can get off?

I know I do.

Sometimes the calendar gets so full that if I'm at home I'm wondering what I've forgotten! With a husband and multiple kids, schedules can get crazy- out of control even. I know people think that homeschooling moms just sit around watching YouTube and eating bonbons, but I can assure you this is NOT the case. Actually the opposite is often true. Due to the absence of a traditional school schedule or work hours, homeschoolers often fill up ALL of their time day or night with activities and commitments. A few years ago my husband looked at me and said, "We should call this mobile-schooling," because we were in the Suburban running around so much! And he was right.

So with all of this craziness going on, when do we have a chance to sit back and take stock of things? When can we reflect on the outcomes of all of this activity? When can we focus on what we actually want to accomplish? Unfortunately, the answer is usually never. I recommend that we all stop and make time to reevaluate everything that is going on around us or in spite of us. Stop and think about all of the individual as well as family activities during the day and week that eat up our time.

Priorities

Make a list of school hours, work hours, extra-curricular activities, church meeting times, weekend outings, etc. Then make a list of all the positive and negative reasons to continue those activities. I know. You are saying, "What? When will I get around to doing that? That's busy work!" Okay, then we should at least sit down and make the list in our head. Talk about it with our spouse. Consider whether some things need to be altered or cut.


WHY? I'm not saying that these activities in and of themselves don't have positive aspects, but I do think busyness could be killing our families. I know that many times my busyness has been a detriment to my family not simply because of the time away from them but because my energy and brain power is totally zapped. (And we won't even discuss my mood!)


My oldest son, Philip, played soccer from the time he was in the first grade all the way through high school. My husband was the assistant coach for his recreational team as well as for his high school team. There are so many great lessons Philip learned from soccer, and I wouldn't take back a minute of it. He still enjoys playing today! But there came a time when a lot of the other kids began playing travel soccer. We considered it at first and decided to pass.

Did we decide that travel soccer was bad? No. Did we look down on the people who decided to take that route? I hope not! But we DID decide that as a family we would not participate in an activity which 1) took us away from our Sunday church attendance (and our home congregation) and 2) allowed one child's commitments to dictate the entire family's weekend schedule. The travel soccer schedule would have determined how all us would spend our weekends, whether together or apart.

• Would that have been fair to our other three children?
• Would it have been good for the family as a whole? (I barely had time to keep clean clothes on everyone much less groom a superstar.)
• Is it even right to allow the entire family's together time to revolve around one child?

We decided that it wasn't.

Now you may disagree with me, and that is certainly okay. You may have an only child and said activity is what you live for. You may be savoring the last few years at home with your youngest, and this is an activity to which you are devoted. You may be passing on the family legacy. I totally get it. So our answers may not necessarily be your answers when it comes to the daily and weekly commitments we choose to make.

But we as parents must establish our priorities. There are only so many minutes in a day. How will we use them? There are only so many years that we have our children at home with us (hopefully!) How will we use those years to disciple them? What is important to us? What do we want our children to become?

Dan Lightfoot, our minister many years ago in Arkansas, said that if we want to know what our priorities are all we have to do is look at our calendar and our bank statement. And he was right. Are we using our time and our money intentionally? Time and money both get spent one way or another. Are we spending them deliberately or are they being squandered?

Whether our priorities are well-planned or haphazard, our children will notice. They know our priorities just by watching us. Actions speak louder than words. So if we say that discipling our children for Christ is our priority, but our time and money don't reflect that, our children know. (Those smartypants!) And whatever we do those years we are raising them becomes their "normal." This is what they will carry on into adulthood. Are we scared yet? I'm pretty nervous!

This discipling thing is no joke.

We must deliberately disciple our children.

Deliberate Discipling

Here are a few practical things as Christians that we can do to make this easier.

• Letting your kids see you doing things that you want them to emulate. My husband was a bi-vocational minister for nine years. That means that he worked as a CPA all week long but also preached at a small country church on Sundays and Wednesday nights. That was a hard thing to keep up with. And one day I told him I didn't think we could do that anymore. (For reasons, see paragraph two!) Nevertheless, I am very grateful that my children were able to grow up seeing their father in the pulpit. It was one of the best things he's ever done. Even now when he has an opportunity to preach, they take his photo and post it on social media. They are so proud of him. 
• Reading the Bible to your children- it's supernatural. How? It's supernatural because it is literally impossible to list all of the benefits and blessings that come from this. I started reading the Bible to my children every night even before they could talk, because I knew that all the answers were in there. Even if I didn't have the answers, it did. I have no idea how many questions or situations I have never had to address because the Bible is our tutor. "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:11
  
• Going to church- it's supernatural. Again you ask me why. Again I tell you I'm not sure of all of the reasons. But I know that things happen when brothers and sisters who love the Lord come together to learn, to encourage, and to worship. And PLEASE take your kids to class. It's designed especially for them by people who love the Lord.
• Protecting your nights and your weekends. What? What about all that work that I couldn't get done during the day/week? What about all 50 sporting activities we have to get to? What about the household chores? Musical practice? Ok- yes, but there is a balance. My husband owns his own accounting firm, so there have been many nights and weekends when he had work to do. So he decided that he would come home for dinner, (YAY!) eat, talk, and play with the kids until their bedtime, then head into his home office and finish his work. I will be forever thankful. We needed him.
• Eating dinner together- it's supernatural. And again, this cannot be fully explained. What? I have to cook, you say? Well, I would recommend it, but as long as there is food, you're good. There is just something about sharing a meal that brings people together. Everyone (Mom, Dad, and all the kids) sitting down, saying a prayer together, looking each other in the eyes, listening to ALL THE THINGS (no phones allowed at the table!)--it's amazing. This practice is highly recommended every night. When the kids were young my husband made up a game to play at the dinner table when we were finished eating. He would ask the kids if they wanted a quiz, and they all shouted "YES!" He would have three categories: spelling, math, and Bible. They would pick a category and each child would get a question he would pull out of his brain. If they answered their question correctly, they got a point. If they were incorrect, the next child could attempt to answer until someone got it correct. They would receive the point for that question, then he would back up to whoever needed an original question. They loved it. 
• Tucking kids in- it's supernatural. There is something about taking time with each individual child before they go to sleep. Suddenly tongues are loosened during this dark and peaceful interaction. Of course, there are snuggles and kisses and warm fuzzies. And praying together to keep away the boogie man is most essential. These are times to treasure.
• Finding each child's gifts/abilities and cultivating them. My mother-in-law was great at this. You could say that my husband was "overactive" as a child. His mother found so many lawns for him to mow--STRAIGHT UP-- in the hills of West Virginia. She also gave him a French horn to blow--for all of his hot air! I'm forever grateful. Finding and celebrating the God-given talents and differences in our children is also a wonderful thing, (especially for those middle kids.) Let them know that God has special plans for them.

Time is Precious

These are some things on our list that have helped us to stop the craziness and focus on the important aspect of deliberate discipleship. You may have some to add or special activities and rituals that your family enjoys. But PLEASE do not mistake quality time for quantity time. I think whoever made up the phrase, "Quality time, not quantity time," was just trying to assuage his guilt. Without quantity time there is no quality time.

Our disciples need our time, our undivided attention. They need us to be there not just in body but in mind- and intentionally. If we are so busy running from activity to activity with a million things swirling through our brains, how can we expect them to find time or feel comfortable talking to us about important things? If they don't have time or feel comfortable enough to do this, when will we notice?

Quantity time produces quality time. 

15 "Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, 16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil." Eph. 5:15-16

Let's intentionally establish our priorities and do some amazing discipling today!