Real Love & Sleep-Filled Nights

I love to act.

It’s really been a passion of mine since I was young. My sister and I would dress up in “costume” and sing and dance to every single song from The Sound of Music. I was EVERY character. I knew EVERY line. I knew the nuances of EACH syllable whether sung or spoken. I tell no lies. To say that I was a fanatic is an understatement. I think I knew that film better than the original actors! Even today, when I watch a performance I just want to jump up onstage and do it all with them—act, sing, dance, do pratfalls, whatever. As soon as I leave the theatre I’m ready to go an audition, because I am SURE that I can do everything that I just witnessed.

Now this acting thing is really just a hobby for me. When the kids were young I didn’t feel like I could afford to be gone several nights a week and many weekends to pursue this passion. But when my daughter took an interest in theater when she was about 11, I saw my chance to jump back into it. I thought, “If we could do this together, what a blessing that would be.”  So we did. I showed her the ropes, taught her choreography, helped her with vocals, and we had a grand time. Dad (hubby) even dusted off his French horn and played in the orchestra! Those are sweet memories I will always cherish.

You see, I was discipling my child in acting. It is something that I love and enjoy, so I wanted her to love and enjoy it too.  All those trips to and from rehearsal, all those tears when something went wrong, all of those exhilarating moments during the audience's applause, those were the moments of bonding, mentoring, loving, and discipling. Were there emotional lows? Sure! Were there fantastic highs? Absolutely. But you see, it was all worth it to teach my offspring something about me, something about life. Did I do it all right? Did I do it all well? Of course not. And I usually knew in certain moments that I wasn't doing it well. But I did not quit. I did not shrink back. This is discipling. Doing it over and over again seeking a gain. 

Am I as excited to share Christ with my children as I am about my hobby? This is my prayer- that things of the world do not overshadow the things of Christ. It is my responsibility to show my children something about God, His way. God's way requires discipline and correction. And that ain't easy and it ain't fun. I should know, since I am a child of God and He disciplines me often. What I know that my children don't know is that discipline is exactly what we need to bring us closer to Him.

The Hebrew writer wrote some golden words in chapter 12. He had just finished expounding on the acts of many humble servants in Hebrews 11 which we know as "the faith chapter." We see all of the things they DID (the verbs) by faith. They offered, built, obeyed, lived, reasoned, refused, and persevered just to name a few. Then in chapter 12, we read this:

4 "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, 'My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.' 7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Heb. 12:4-11

See why it's golden? Wow! The writer just lays it all out there. Clearly and concisely. No beating around the bush. No advanced degree required for interpretation. BAM! "The Lord disciplines the one he loves!" He is training us as children FOR HIS HOLINESS. I want in the front of that line. God is discipling us through discipline. This is our model. The writer even states that "we have all had human fathers (and mothers) who disciplined us and we respected them for it." We've sold out. Society has sold out. It either doesn't know or doesn't believe the Bible. It is trying to raise children contrary to the scriptures. Parents are practicing the inverse. They are attempting to love their children by being tolerant, permissive, open-minded, easy-going, and lenient. They are attempting to gain respect by handing the reins to the children. This, my friends, is a BAD plan. There is no improvement on the Bible. None.

We must not allow the world to tell us that discipline is bad, mean, and harmful. We believe the Bible. We believe that God LOVES us. We believe that His discipline produces righteousness and peace; therefore, we will emulate Him by disciplining our children in pursuit of a similar outcome. Will we always do it right? Will we always do it well? Probably not. But we will continue to discipline seeking a gain. 

Discipline comes from love.

When I was a very young mother with two small children I really wanted to do it right. I took my job very seriously. As a recovering perfectionist, I can say that having kids really messed with my perfection! I thought I could use a little advice so I read a book by Zig Ziglar called Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World. I believe this was the first parenting book I ever read, and it made a profound impact on me at the time. The author proposed that disciplining meant creating boundaries. This was the first time I had ever heard or read that kids want, need, and crave boundaries. What human wants someone telling them what to do all of the time? But the more I read, the more it made sense to me. Children want to feel safe. The way that they feel safe is by having firmly established boundaries and parents who will enforce them. If boundaries are not established, children actually feel unloved, as if no one cares about them enough to keep them safe. 

Kids are smart. They KNOW that there are big scary things in the world that they need protection from, and they are counting on US (their parents) to provide it for them. If children grow up being in charge of their own boundaries, they feel lost and out of control. They know that they are too immature and inexperienced to know what is best. They want someone to love them enough to show them the boundaries and keep them safely inside them. Lack of boundaries can lead to resentment in later years not to mention all kinds of difficulties, sinful behavior, and guilt.

So when our toddler is screaming in the middle of the store because they MUST have that five dollar toy that is going to break 30 seconds after we pay for it, he is really screaming, “Where are the boundaries? What are the rules? Does Mommy mean no when she says no? Who's in charge? Who loves me?" Just as God is our authority, we must be the authority for our disciples! Our children are counting on us to say what we mean and mean what we say. There also can be no confusion about who makes the decisions. It cannot be Mommy one minute, the child another minute, Daddy every now and then (unless overruled by Mommy,) etc. No moving boundaries or inconsistent authority in parenting! 

Yes, those little rascals are constantly pushing the boundaries because that is their job. They need to discover them and to be reminded that they remain completely intact. "But that sounds painful," you say. Correct! "Huh? I thought you said that discipline isn't negative!" Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace." Temporary pain=eternal gain. The virtuous, harmonious end result far outweighs the immediate, momentary discomfort. Just like all of those heroes in the faith chapter, we must have the faith to ACT (verb) on this promise! 

When our toddler rather loudly insists on taking home that shiny, destructible trinket, why must we as the parent stand our ground when saying no? Because we love him and we know what's best for him. We are keeping him safe within the boundaries and also because Matt. 5:37 says,

37 "But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." Matt. 5:37

Establish the rules. Stick to the rules. 

When my husband and I were expecting our first child, we went to prenatal classes. At one of the meetings our unborn baby's pediatrician was there, and he had some helpful advice with a Q&A portion at the end. The burning question was, "How do we get our baby to go to bed/sleep thru the night?" He had an excellent answer. He proposed that at bedtime, after feeding, burping, changing, rocking, singing, etc. to your precious bundle, lay him in the baby bed IN HIS OWN ROOM, turn off the light, and shut the door. If the baby cries, (and the baby WILL cry,) don't run immediately in and pick up the baby. Wait as long as you can until you just think you can't stand it another second (say 8 min.)

Then, go into the room WITHOUT turning on the light. Go to the bed and look down at the baby. As long as the baby is not is some sort of peril such as a limb stuck between the bars or the covers wrapped around his head, DO NOT touch the baby. DO NOT talk to the baby. DO NOT pick up the baby. Let the baby see you looking at the baby. This allows the baby to see that you are there. You have not disappeared into thin air when the door shuts! This allows the baby to know that he is safe and that you are there to protect him. Leave the room and shut the door.

If the baby continues to cry, (and he WILL continue to cry,) wait the original time plus 3 minutes.  So 11 minutes. Repeat. DO NOT talk to the baby, DO NOT pick up the baby. If baby continues to cry, (and he might,) wait the 11 minutes plus 3 more minutes. so 14 min. Repeat until baby quits crying. You will only need to do this for three nights maximum, and your baby will be sleeping like a dream. What if you cheat? What if you pick up the baby? What if you wait until the baby is 7 months old? Then, ALL bets are off. No pain, no gain. But if you will do this, then there will be years of blissful sleeping for everyone forever after! We did it with four children, and it works.

So why did I tell you that story? Because it demonstrates that at an extremely young age we can teach our children/babies the boundaries. We can teach them who is the authority. We can teach them that we love them and are keeping them safe. The earlier we do this, the dreamier our life and the lives of our bundles will be. And we can live in PEACE. Thank you Lordy!

Establish authority.

Just as we depend on our loving, heavenly Father to supply our needs, keep us from harm, and discipline us in order to share in His holiness, our children rely on us to do the hard things that are for their benefit. Let us be like the faithful heroes in Hebrew 11 and go DISCIPLE (verb) by faith asking God to produce a harvest of righteousness and peace! <3